Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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