I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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