She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
