I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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