I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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