I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
