the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
