I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
