Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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