I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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