he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
