You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
