Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
