There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
