sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
