Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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