i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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