my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Alive.
So much puke
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
