another moral hangover. fuck.
Jerry, you need to find god
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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