I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
