Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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