you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
