why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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