I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
