woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
