I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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