Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
