I think I won the penis lottery.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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