I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
