How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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