No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
