I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
