So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
