Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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