Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
