Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
