apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
