my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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