if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
