if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you never un-have a 4some
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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