i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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