So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
