Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
