bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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