why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
