so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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