That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
