my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
