i will never coherently bang her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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