I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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