Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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